A Woman’s View: Broken hearts

Inarguably the hardest thing to mend is a broken heart. It is something that can happen to even the hardest of hearts and can bring tears upon the first tear. Anyone who has ever had a broken heart always remembers how it feels when you think you will never be able to feel again. If you are one of the few fortunate people to never experience the anguish behind this tragedy, it may be hard to understand how it could ever overtake your life or forever leave a scar.

“I will never forget my first broken heart,” Nicole said. “Anytime any relationship ended after that it was never as bad as that first one. For a time I didn’t think I would be able to live and yet I still woke up everyday and just went through the motions.”

A heart is the one thing that will still work even when it is broken, with virtually no cure except time. I spoke with several ladies from the NEast and every one of them admitted that getting over the “love of your life” has to be one of the hardest things to do. The No. 1 thing that helped each lady through the earth-shattering experience was her friends.

“You might not believe it, but if it weren’t for my friends trying to cheer me up and take me out I might never have moved out of my house after my fiancé called it quits three months before our wedding because he ‘found someone better’ as he so callously said,” Samantha said. “Even now, it’s been two years, and it’s still so hard to believe. I never thought I would be able to laugh again and without my friends there for me I probably wouldn’t have.”

Almost every woman over the age of 20 can she has had her heart broken, but not every woman deals with the emotions in the same way. Some find it best to stay away from people all together until they can mend their hurt feelings. Others will go a bit wild and start dating anyone to build self-esteem again or help the healing process; and some will work themselves with activities or second jobs to occupy their time, putting less focus on being lonely. Any way you choose to help yourself recover, you should always make sure that you do not disregard the people closest to you that still care and want to help.

“I was so foolish! When my boyfriend cheated on me and got another woman pregnant I fell apart,” said Susannah. “I got so angry with everyone because I was so hurt and pushed all my friends and family away. Even when I started to date again I was sarcastic and always on guard,” she continured. “I am slowly building my relationships back with my family and a few good-hearted friends but I lost so many.”

Broken hearts can come in all shapes and sizes and don’t always mend without a certain amount of bitterness. Probably the hardest thing to comprehend is the fact that a person you thought you knew is no longer that person.

“I was married for 14 years when I learned my husband had another family. A wife with two kids,” said Joy from Frankford. “I couldn’t believe it, I was so shocked and it just threw my world. Even more so he was married to the other chick for 18 years! I have had a hard time trusting anyone ever since then.”

When trust is broken it can crush the heart and make it almost impossible to ever mend. After enough time has passed you can, however, begin to trust people again, but never without that small doubt always lingering in the back of your mind.

Happily ever after: it is a nice thought and an even better fairytale, but what happens when the book you are reading or living doesn’t have that happy ending? My advice is to put the book down and find a new one before you fall so far into the story that you are consumed by it. Naturally this is easier said than done, but sometimes when the book is ripped from your hands, you begin to search desperately to retrieve it back again, not realizing the blessing it may be now that it is gone.

It has been said that life has its little ups and downs, which is a grave understatement. There are huge mountains and even bigger craters that you must climb and avoid falling into. Even the most cautious of people can slip and fall or find that the climb is too hard. I myself made the mistake of giving away my heart too quickly to a man who not only didn’t care, but seemed all too happy to throw it away – after, of course, putting hundreds of tiny metaphorical knives into it. My way of dealing with the hurt was to work myself into the ground and try my best not to focus on anything other than the work. I would agree with all the ladies I interviewed, that your friends are the best medicine to help heal that broken heart. A few months past and then a few years and before I knew it, I had done the impossible and was happy again. At the time it might seem so hopeless, but a strong will and great friends/family will go a long way in restoring your heart.

If you have had your heart broken, and I am sure we all have, write in and let us know your advice on dealing with the emotions to help get over the pain and get back to the strong happy woman you were.

A Woman’s View is a column about women’s issues written by Donna Ward. The column appears every other Thursday on NEastPhilly.com. See others here. Read other NEastPhilly columns here.